Dear Dr. Drugdealer: Dueces

So I was going to write about the hit-and-misses I taste-tested from a southeast Asian bakery, but unfortunately for me (and the infected host I plan to physically assault) I'm sick.

Enlight of my crippling condition, I thought I'd gather the strength to share some of my hipster (read: pseudo-elitist -- we went over this) food remedies for cold symptoms.

All of the following foods were chosen because I like them and I actively search for random reasons to put them in my mouth. This list is in no way comprehensive, convenient, cheap or even appetizing. It is, however, a healthy alternative to corn syrup flavored crack, and yet another way to annoy mainstream America at large. Two birds, one tiny, little pretentious stone.

So here it is...



Symptom: Scratchy/swollen throat
Savory Solution: Honey
Reasoning: Honey is naturally antibacterial and anti-inflammatory.
Prescription: I usually take a spoonful all at once and let it slowly coat my throat at various times throughout the day.





Symptom: Congested chest, wheezing, mucus build-up
Savory Solution: Ginger root
Reasoning: The burning sensation ginger produces literally melts (loosens) the phlegm/mucus in your body enough for you to cough it up.
Prescription: I recommend Reeds Ginger Brew or Altoid's Ginger Mints. (I have also tried making my own ginger root/honey concoction, but despite my love for ginger, I had to claw my forearm to distract from the nausea of "drinking" it.)
Special Note: Do this in private. You will be hacking harder than a 70-year-old chain smoker once it starts working.




Symptom: Early onset of a cold
Savory Solution: Zinc
Reasoning: Boosts weak immune systems
Prescription: Just take supplements. If you want it sweet, try Coldeez.
Special Note: I denounced Vitamin C as the cold supplement after a near-death experience involving candy-flavored vitamin tablets and an insatiable sweet tooth.




Symptom: All of the Above
Savory Solution: Echinacea
Reasoning: Echinacea prevents the onset of colds and flu. It is antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-viral, and boosts the immune system.
Prescription: Drink Sobe Green Tea. It contains 125 mg of echinacea and tastes heavenly.





Do this and it will likely take two times longer to recover than with modern medicines. I like to live a difficult life. It builds character.

Now, excuse me, while I take my infected self to a hipster's haven: the underground hip-hop show.


I'll be listening in-person, you can listen here. My favorite five-foot femcee at the moment, Hopie Spitshard.

Hopie Spitshard - Yummy

Hopie