The Cheeky Chef Convention

Yesterday I spent the day exercising willpower at Milano's Identita Gelosa.
A chef centered event where they hammer fresh vegetables to the walls, but offer exclusively glutenous samples, one tablespoon at a time.

Actually, I am more certain that it was a space for top male chefs to posture on-camera while their female or twenty-something stagehands frantically fired up gourmet miracles with all the fixings in fifteen minute intervals.

I spent the time -- all 8 hours of my contractually obligated time -- hallucinating between vendor stands as my waning willpower wheeled me around this aromatic space of things I must not have.
In between the blurred bits, I managed to catch some highlights.

Chef Kobe Desramaults split the skull of a skinned goat's head to teach us to reconnect with the animals we eat...Aaand also so that he could pull out the brains, cook them in kidney fat and place them back in the skull. Now it's a serving dish, guys!

Massimo Bottura gave shade to "young" Massimiliano Alajmo for not saying "traditional" when referencing Modena's balsamic vinegar, which we all know is sugar water unless it is proper aged. We know that, right? Like, everyone?

Massimiliano Alajmo then threw shade at Davide Cassi, the guy he was supposed to be honoring, when he rebounded a question about why "young" chefs are not appreciated to him. Seriously, why does everyone in Italy think 33 is the new 17? Must have something to do with their parents paying their rent until they are 35 -- jusss saying though.

Luigi Salomone backhanded his sponsor when he very mindfully muttered "quote, un-quote 'serious presentation'" while referencing the work he was asked to do for a certain national beer company. I think he was more mad that he wasn't on the main stage throwing shade with the big boys and sippin out of lamb skulls.

And that concludes my account of the event.
If I had been double-fisting cheese samples and inhaling native Thai dishes instead of choking down oat bran in a dark corner I might have had an entirely different day to share. But, it is what it is.

3 weeks down, 5 weeks to go. Hash-tag: cleansing

HHH